you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
