she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize