i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
