apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
