I can text with my tongue
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
