what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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