you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
