My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
