Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
