That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
