there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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