In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
