I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
