This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
