Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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