I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize