you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
