Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
