oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
