apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize