can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
