Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
