I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
