we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
