thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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