did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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