I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
