I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
