She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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