i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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