would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
