Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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