i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
