I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
These tits shall not be calmed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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