In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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