Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
