Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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