he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
