She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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