i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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