I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
