the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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