Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
