you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
