john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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