Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
