cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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