let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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