i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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