i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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