Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
