I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
