cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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