Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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