Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
