Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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