We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
