we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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