it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize