you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize