So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am naked and annoyed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
