The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
