Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Boobs speak an international language.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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