I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize