yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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