just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
