Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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