Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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