She is in my trunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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