I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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