Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
