No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
