Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
