If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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