My first STD was from a foam party
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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