I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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