When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
