Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
