Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
