Whod you bang
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
