Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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